1 on 1 with Akhi Ayman

what a pleasure to sit with here in the UK you know I I I haven't known you before I only started knowing you like everyone else on social media and you popped up and I thought who's this young man over here Subhan Allah I see a lot of really young people 14 15 16 18 20 they're all into you tremendously you're like pop star mall we do and I just want to start now you've been hosting our light upon light event here in the UK you are the MC mallah I hope so doing a tremendous job I hope so you're doing a tremendous job do you know why I'm wearing blue today this one she I already told you you do like a Smurf but you decided to you decided to bring it back you a Smurf you called me you called me a Smurf with so I wore it today to shove it in your face that's all so it's like you want me to get on to you even further on stage I want you to wear your heart on your sleeve tonight and right now just be yourself and um you know I look at you I've I've been spending time with you here and going coming and I've been really learning a lot about you you are a fascinating person and you know I come from an education background and we have some friends here who are psychologist from coming my friends coming from Australia and we have uh seen an interesting part about you which I want to share to with the world so we we can know what why and how and what Allah has put you in I think that you have a position where Allah has placed you in no let's start with me asking you about that name that you've chosen amen your name is not no is uh a description Yes means my brother yes can I ask you why did you choose the name a amen first and foremost it's honor to be even sit with you sat with you in the same room um the reason why I chose um this name is because I want people to have a intimate connection with me straight away so I have Muslims and non-muslims when they say they automatically say my brother a not an or IM or scholar or like a student of knowledge but that connection means something to them cuz when they ask me what does mean I told them it means my brother so then also when we we you know call out your name you we're basically saying my brother amen cuz my name is amen my first name is Amen in that intimate moment when you build with anyone they would remember it forever so that's why I chose that name and even if I go study and receive in Islamic knowledge I will still remain like it you like to connect with the people to make them feel I'm at your level there you go that's what the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam used to say to speak to the people at their level if you were to look go back in time to find the prophet sallallah alaihi wasallam you will find him sitting with the poor people with the normal people and that's how I I I kind of found you to be very humble everybody loves you here the M the the DU everybody just look say you're like the the energy that brings everybody laughter Among Us I feel happy when you're around us you know is um you know there was something that I used to say what my mother used to say she used to say um the ones that love the most have felt the most pain so this is something that look at the prophet Muhammad Sall he went through the worst of pains but he never ever showed it and as a Muslim from what my mother told me as she is to never let people feel sorry for you if they feel sorry for you based on your condition then let it be but they shouldn't feel sorry for you when they first meet you and this is a image you should never ever put in their head or amen he's got disadvantages now I'm a man I like to let people know I'm here alhamdulillah mallah TRU I've seen just want to make a very quick one don't feel guilty about talking about matters of your past even if they were bad so long as number one your intention is sincerely for the sake of allaha number two it's in order to teach the people about how to be guided and how bad something is and why they shouldn't do it and I think number three uh talking to the people about things that relate to them that they're going through they don't like it you show them that uh I was there and let me tell you why it's not good and finally from the Quran Allah talks onethird of the Quran about stories of prophets and even if you look at Allah talks in detail about he was seduced by The woman Inside of the the house and how Allah says like he said that there were emotions flying about Alam almost had that emotion he's a human however he had seen the sign from his Lord but he didn't and they ran to the door and she grabbed him from the back and then the women cut their hands and then he sat down in secret and said oh Allah save me from this and then in the prison you had a prison life Allah talks about his prison life so I want to show that not always uh it's not always a case where a person shouldn't mention his past even if some of them are sins so long as they are relevant they have a lesson for other people to learn so I think this is a misconception unless you say your sins out of Pride or just to show yourself as cool you not to glorify it or to glorify it I've never ever done that exactly let us begin now in and let me ask you about your background tell us about your upbringing tell me about your parents your mother whatever you want to tell us about your life what you told me in the C anything you I want to link to thatf to be honest we we wasn't the best of people back in Europe up as in that w f we lived in a very um small house there was a seven uh nine of us seven kids including Mom and Dad we did in a two-bedroom so he wasn't and back in the I don't really remember seeing my father so my father was very absent just to the fact that he was in the hospital majority of the time and then alhamdulillah we decided to go to suria and in suria we spent about six or eight months there and then we came to the UK so she we were placed in the deepend and where is it's like no language uh no culture the weather is different the people are different everyone's a bit like aggressive we got placed in the hood in the gut uh Sou soueast London so it's like we had to do what we can to survive yes I'm not going to lie to you I was a bit picked on for 911 and continuously attacked from people inside the school but it was just constantly survival mode from school so that built me to become an aggressive person why why did they pick on you at school what was it because I was getting blam for 91 I'm from Iraq I'm from mul so it's like so it's like when the war started everyone's attacking in Iraqis they're blaming us and when the war actually went to Iraq they're like well this is justification that Iraq was the one that did the terrorist attack in 911 so now the people have to suffer that's people in and outside Iraq and that's you coming from Iraq seeing the suffering the turmoil your family suffering and you're thinking alhamdulillah now I'm going to get a bit of relief and suddenly you come here and they start hammering you with all these accusations was your English pretty good at that time sh I was learning this is cat this is dog by the age of what 10 11 like there was no English at all so they made Hello was the only English I knew but so look at the difficulty in that I'm 30 years old now so I've been here for what 20 21 years I feel like I've done good for my English I hope doing very well M so you got bullied that's where it all started that's 100% how old were you when you started getting bullied I would say SE like when I was 10 years old I came here when I was 9 so around 10 years old when I went into school how did your parents uh deal with that did you go and tell your parents you didn't tell your parents anything why cuz my parents were going through a lot themselves to adjust to this country my father's disabled himself so he can't walk so why am I going to put more burden on my father do you mind me asking how your father became disabled my father told tortured and kidnapped in Iraq uh by the authorities and they made an example out of him my father had a um had a status and they just destroyed him and they tortured him for God knows how long like I said I hardly saw my father so when I did see him rolling around on a wheelchair I realized I never ever asked questions in other words we hear and we obey but this one's like I see I don't ask questions that's how I've been programmed Naturally by default you got to be strong you have to there's no such thing sh emotion when you're with your Lord oh yeah yeah break it break break yourself you had to be raised to be strong no no room for emotions otherwise you're going to not able to survive a young age because because of what happened in my younger years yeah if my younger years was as normal as everyone else I would have of course showed the emotion you would have been through war and turmoil bombs missiles everything of course you had to but the reality is it's like you actually don't realize how important it was for me to hold the all in very important why because it's like a taking time M and it takes a lot to get there because it's just the buildup but once I need to lash out or once I need to explode my emotions and God knows how that's going to be it came at the right time it came at the right time okay amen so you grew up in school here in the UK yes did you go into high school yes and was that how was high school for you high school was the same got bullied at Primary School how how was high school for you high school the first year was the same the second year I realized Allah has blessed me with the ability to fight so mallah I got sledg ham over fist I can tell you that I've seen that so and then when I realized that Allah's giving me the ability to know how to fight I just started defending and for me coming from a background of got bullied myself I didn't like other people getting bullied so even if it meant I got beat up by a group of friends in school uh sorry not friends but a group of people in school I rather do it that feeling of getting bullied she is is a disgusting one do you think it's when you see people getting bullied in high school oh there's no mercy what why did you feel you need to defend the victim cuz I know how it feels I got picked on for not speaking English I got called a terrorist for not for having no part in anything to do with the 9/11 that's how me blaming Christian for KKK but KKK do everything in the name of Christian makes no sense make it make sense you can't you can't blame a a person's emotion compared to everyone else it's like I can't blame a father for going out to causing a major havoc on the road am I going to blame his wife and his kids of course not so why would you blame a whole religion why would you blame a whole nation that's what happened to me you got a sense of justice yeah some people when they're bullied I've seen it as a teacher I've seen them go two ways either they become bullies later on to take revenge at the world and others they turn to the way you turned I used to have that I I bullied a a young girl in primary school once and that note we are and then I turned and I and then I got bullied and you can either go one way or the other so you're going in a direction now of standing up for people who are weak and victims and you are ready to take on 10 people okay and then after that she I'm going to be honest with you if I am defending someone that is right regardless if he's Muslim or not let's make that clear as a as a Muslim we defend people that are vulnerable and victims we don't care about your religion we going to you as a human aspect of the side of thingss so if I'm defending you I'm defending you because I know as long as you're not in the wrong I would defend you even if you are in the wrong I would rather find that after but if I see that you're the one that's getting Bea up but maybe you're the one that started the problem I'd rather come and diffuse the situation but if I find out that you yourself was the problem then me and you are going to have words and exchange words and hopefully we don't get physical but the reality is we go by what is a parent and what is a parent you're the one that's a victim right now you're the one that's being be up so it's only right I defend you in that moment so where do we go from now the youth they need a voice they don't they don't have a voice at home they don't have a they don't have a voice in school they don't have voice in their extrac curriculum activities such as madasa whatever it may be they're not themselves on the street because the streets are evil right now innocent people are being killed for not even handing over their mobile phones or their watch so the reality is everyone is a victim to either someone else or themselves some would say how can you be a victim to yourself you're being a victim to yourself because and I say this to the youth if you're not being obes obedient to your lord or being obedient to your parents or being obedient to your soul then you're being you're being a victim you're being controlled by fins when your body was create when your soul was created yes you have a body your body is for you your body ain't going to return back to Allah so that mechanism that you have the your organs it remains on this Earth but the engine is the soul and that engine doesn't belong to you it belongs to the manufacturer so it's got to go back even if there's any issues you got to change your oil no worries make W simple you got to change any health conditions if you come like say for instance if you fall into any uh um disease diseases illnesses it's simple you make Allah as is your priority you make your religion is your priority your Dean you make your Salah I say to the youth sh the youth are lacking Salah we met a 17y old yesterday in a restaurant his father's begging me come and speak to my son 17 years old Allah the brothers the Brother 17 makes me look like a a skinny worm Mah Hench good like he looks after himself I look at him he doesn't he doesn't know how to have eye contact with me why I said him bro what's going on talk to me he said I will talk to you when my father leaves I said Uncle please give us some space go talk to me and for me when I talk to the youth I bring myself to lower than them I don't bring myself as equal to them I bring them lower I show them that I'm looking to become vulnerable just for you to become vulnerable with that's how that's that's the language they understand cuz the reality is they're all suffering they just need someone to hold them and say bro I'm with you your tears are my tears your pain is my pain your happiness is my happiness so talk to me I was like straight away I said to him do you la Salah he said I'm ashamed to say this but yes I said how old you he said 17 I said bro I was once upon a time there from the age of 12 to the age of 19 we go through an identity crisis if the youth to my knowledge if the youth are not being grabbed between these two ages from 12 to 19 if they don't know their purpose in life their Vision their goal and what they should be ambitious about you're going to lose them so this is the best time to make them fall in love with the religion how did you find that go with that young boy she he told me about the issues so he said to me my friends are a bit they don't bring me to the religion but he he said something that was profound he said to me his non-muslim friends have said to him what you're doing is wrong this is not what your religion teaches you I looked to the uncle I said to him Uncle let me chat to you quickly so I've gone to him in the corner of the restaurant I said to him Uncle don't ever bring up his past let the man live let him live if he makes mistakes he would realize those mistakes and he will come back let we have to and then the moment I said that straight away the uncle opened his mouth and said but he's got bad friends this this where you go wrong I'm a stranger to you I'm a man that you see on the tablet or phone what gives you the audacity to open up your mouth to tell me that your son is around bad people why do I need to know that so if you've done that to me and I'm a stranger how many family members have you spoken to how many people have you put down your son in front of you just put him down in front of me so I said to him Uncle straight away I Defuse The Situation don't ever bring that up even if he friends backstab him that's for him to learn so Uncle haven't you been betrayed haven't you been in business having you traveled with people you've been betrayed you learned it yourself you won't get leered by someone that they themselves haven't gone through that so why are you making your son go through it your programming your son yeah you're going to get people to betray you're going to get people to back let him live let him gather that information for himself let him see it it's like someone that restricts their kids from ever doing anything outside no going to extrac curriculum activities no football no swimming you can't go out to go to the cinema you can't do anything social activities the moment they taste that that that buzz that they get outside the house that becomes a drug to them so now you've made them addicted to that drug that you've made them that you've held back for so long you're the one to blame I'm a parent and I see young people like that and you're right you're saying let your child feel that he's truly got a father who is guiding him not judging him Allah isn't that true yes or no okay a child you see you see this why I love my mother my mother 80% of her life she was a friend when she needed to be a mother it took only 20% of her time she knew when to become a mother but she was one of the Mand them she was one of the boys she was someone that we can come and ban and just be ourselves our father was different and I understand his background but my mother now just friend she's a friend she's a companion we didn't look at her as a mother only at times when she needed to become a mother she knows when to put you back in your place so the parents in today's day and age they're being so they're being more of a parent than they are a friend why because a friend has a lack of authority but parents has an authority so you talk down to them you put them down you told them off I give you a prime example there was a guy that came to my talk he said to me I've grounded my son he never went to school so he wasn't allowed to come and listen to you I said to him what's the issue he goes he didn't go to school and he was crying and he wanted to come I said you know what Uncle I don't do this but for you I'm going come to your house we went to go and see his son I said to him can I have a moment with your son please let me just speak to him I found out that his son's being bullied that's why he never went to school where was the time for you to find the ground or the foundation of your son's uh problems you didn't why because the authority came out put that Authority aside what you're saying is treat your children according to their age if his 17 and 16 a parent should be communicating with their child and the things that they're interested in be involved with them so the child can feel free to talk to their parents without ramifications and judgments be able to talk if they can't talk you're going to lose them and this what I fall into sometimes my daughter's 5 years old I've got a steps that's 10 I want to be able to portray that but sometimes I fail in I fa not because I'm purposely trying to fail in it but reality is it's like it's like I know what I got bought up in there's too much pain for me that I've gone through that I don't want them to go through so it comes out wrong in my speech and my actions no you can't do this you can't do that the reality is just let them live let them make mistakes looks like you're still learning as well in life you have no idea right now I'm about I'm about 5 to 10% of my fatherhood I haven't got nowhere near 50 it's good to that that humbleness shows in you that you are ready to learn and you're not arrogant mallah you know I'll tell you what I've realized just from that little bit some people they go to learn Shar and they go to university and some of them go and learn whatever expertise they going whether it's psychology Science teaching even as a teacher whatever it is IM sheh scholar PhD one thing that we cannot learn in school and at University is this experience that you're talking about you can't learn this from textbooks you can't Le this from your teacher so although you're not a she or a scholar or someone who's trained in the and on deep level you are learning from the scholars alhamdulillah but what you have is that you have a degree in understanding emotional intelligence in people understanding young people's mindset I feel good about alhamdulillah and stay humble stay humble and you should be proud of something like this that Allah has given you it's a gift not many people can do that I can have all the phds in the world but to understand the mindset put myself in someone's shoes that doesn't come from textbooks so that's the area allahallah everyone has a place and that is your place the young people now aldah do you mind me asking you go go ahead about your mother what can you tell us about your mother and your relationship growing up with her I know it's going to be hard for you share whatever you can I want to know your relationship with your mother with your sisters I want to know about this beautiful mother you just mentioned um my mother was a woman of I'm not going to allow to she was a woman that at times me and my my brothers used to get on to her L mom come inside she used to pray outside this is after midnight this is that she used to pray in the garden and I'm like Mom what are you doing and at one point um she told my brother she goes she goes when I turn to Allah and he comes to the lowest of the the levels of the heaven she said I don't want no barrier between myself and Allah no barrier no barrier I don't want nothing above me yes we know there is nothing above you anyway but the way she looked at goes I don't even want any building anything that that is man-made like like your level of contentment with your lord has to be so far for you to look at at this you don't want anything man-made to be in between you and Allah subhana that's including the roof and the house that we stay in that's why she used to go in the garden but I told you this the duas of a mother I'm a witness to this we we would have police come to the house we have weapons illegal weapons and W they would be standing on the weapon and kicking it around because of the Dua of my mother they are blinded to it the police are blinded to it we're Witnesses this and we're looking like this can't be real are they that stupid no it's not stupidity it's the Dua but I remember I went om I went to go and see my mom's grave and this is something that my mom used to do on a week stuff a daily basis every week every month 24/7 of the time seven days a week without fell she would leave the house around midday just to go and feed pigeons without fail if it's raining snowing windy you name it even if if there was a tornado she would go she goes this is something that I've picked mom why it's the small things that you do that is consistent th most beloved to Allah she'll go and do this when I went to her grave now this is not even exaggerating even the brothers with me started started finding this to be a bit weird CU they know of the story of my mom I have the whole graveyard my mom's uh my mom's grave was the only grave that had pigeons around it w you can't make the stuff up sh you'd think to yourself but you know what I have failed my mom she has done a lot you feel you failed your mom 100% let's take a step back what's the story of your mother my mother how did she pass away tell us if you want to share no of course um so me and my brothers got together me and my brothers got together we wanted to surprise my mom by taking to I I was meant to have gone but because I had commitments my mom says amen anytime I get the opportunity to go to I'm going to go so even if I go with your brothers now if you go in a few months I'm coming whenever that's it there's no there's no two ways about it say okay no worries mom you're going to go in October I'm going in February you're coming with me she went me and my brothers go together two brothers went two brothers stayed behind so I got four brothers how many brothers and sisters I got seven all together three sisters and four boys Three Sisters four boys all sisters younger than you I've got two sisters older than me and one sister younger so alhamdulillah quite balanced and your brothers so I'm like right in the middle three younger and three older alhamdulillah and um so we went to om and W this is something I regret and it's hurting me and it's eating me up because the whole 12 days that she was there 10 12 days that she was there I didn't want to message her I didn't want to call her I didn't want to uh send her a voice not I didn't want to communicate with her why cuz I said I know this is important for her she's a woman of like her going to Medina her going to Mecca let her be cuz my brother's already with her she went to Medina I remember she my IM said to me that your mother said to the women cuz they were with the women going around she said your mother said to the women in Medina that I have repented for all of my sins and I am ready to meet Allah this is in Medina Allah had better planned for her Allah didn't want her to pass away in Medina so she went to Mecca she did Herra the ladies when they came to my house after they came back from they came back to the UK after the pass of my mom she said we never ever uh saw a woman the way she was your mother used to encourage the younger sisters to come and do in the house of Allah your your mother used to go to sleep pretending to go to sleep wait for your brothers to fall asleep and then sneak out of the hotel room just to go in front of the Kaa and pray to Allah subhana tala you would think to yourself like this is different then the day before she the the day before she's meant to come here she sends me a voice know and the voice Isam Alum I hope you're well I love you and she goes aan send me the size of your fob so I can get your F before I come back and that's the last and because I didn't want to speak to my mother I didn't want to send her voice not back I wanted her to enjoy her time if my if I need to get anything my brothers will get me something I don't want it for my mom but the fact that she was still thinking about me it is alhamdulillah and then um my mother wanted to return back to Allah in the house of Allah and she went to she was on their way to come back in the hotel room she wasn't feeling too well and then they told her to sit down and they got a a bottle of zamzam water and then when they got the bottle of zamzam water they just said to they said to her sip it and she's saying constantly and she took two sips of Zam water on the third sip she missed her mouth my brothers told me they missed her mouth and then they looked at each other goes yeah meik is here they can feel it and then my brother said when she became stiff and she scrunched up the bottle of water they knew there's no going back they knew this is her final moment and I remember I remember the people that were there I remember the people that were there they said we have what we witnessed there how your brother how my little brother cuz my little brother was my mom's favorite child we know this we don't get on to my mom to say oh you know what that's your favorite child no we know you had attachment to that one child you see mothers they love all the kids equally but there's that one child they have that special bond with and that was my little brother that was with her and the people said to me what they saw my brother the way he the way he screamed and the way he said they would never get over that and in that moment I was given the talk I said to the people cuz I got a phonez say your mom's not well I said look I'm about to go into a talk so bear with me but I'm going to answer if my brother calls my brother that's with her so I went to the talk she I'm getting phone calls and phone calls and phone calls and I knew it's my sister it's my wife it's my sister from my older sisters my little brother that's with me here I'm getting fun call and I'm avoiding it because my heart sorry My Mind Is Telling Me Bro prepare yourself yeah my heart doesn't want to accept it because these phone calls are coming in so much I don't want to answer it then I saw a FaceTime that came from my brother that was with her my little brother my little brother message I mean he he calls an answer and he says to me amen I'm going to say this once and once only he said our mother has returned back to Allah I so he's joking he goes W my mother and then he just hand up he goes he just hand up she's in meccah alhamdulillah she was buried in Mecca take your time take your time it's not easy and the reason why I say I failer it's because I never spend enough time with her you see there's times where husband and wife might go through issues I knew Mommy's house was the place to go I don't go out with my friends I don't need to do that there's times I'm struggling at work who do I call I call my mom and I say this all the time I say and I said this to my wife and I said this to my sisters I said to them bear with me I can never love you the same they're like why I said the love that I used to receive from my mom is the love that I used to give if that love has been cut I can't love you the same way anymore your mother died after she did omra and she was buried in Mecca which is an amazing privilege Subhan Allah it's a sign that inshallah your mother's in an amazing place and perhaps the reason for your turning around and being a benefit for the people that really need Allah and Allah has perhaps made you one of those tools in an area we can't reach I can't reach for example in all my talks the same youth that you can reach not me not any of the others and perhaps this is the Legacy for your mother as a reward for her it's not easy to lose a loved one is not a loved one I lost my backbone she's not someone that's loved to me she's someone that's part of me when you lose a part of yourself you you you you can't function properly so when people say I'm sorry for your loss I'm sorry for your loved one it's not a loved one it's a part of you that you will never get back you're going to be an amazing man insh going to make your mother proud your father and everyone uh take your time but honestly um the reason why I changed I went to prison I had a very hideous life life of crime a life of Disobedience to my parents a life of Disobedience to Allah um but we were all practicing in a sense where we used to pray and that was it yeah but when I went to prison prison wasn't a wakeup call my wakeup call was what happened in prison when I saw my mom coming to a visit when I see my mom in her modesty not hijab modesty head to toe people need to know what they differences when my mother came in her modesty from head to toe and I see her being searched I said no I I can't let my mother go through this and the reason why it was a big wake up on that day I found out what happened the day I went to prison the day I went to prison she I left to go to cour I knew I was getting sentenced I went that's it I went to court I packed my bags I know I'm going prison this is my sentence in my judge told me you're looking at jail time so come prepared you're going in packed my bags my two little brothers came with me my older brother hugged him kissed him and he went to work I went to court I got sentence to 66 months to do half of that to do 33 months um cuz in the UK you do half so you got sentence to 66 months I did 33 going there now she like my brothers came back to the area the same day my brothers came back to Thea my youngest brother and his friends they were waiting around somewhere then they came across some enemies so now they contacted my other brother saying yo you need to come down these times the day before we was playing with a shotgun just to make sure it's loaded or whenever so my brother my other brother is getting messages come down there's issues the like he's panicking now he jumps on the push Spike he comes down to the area comes down with a shotgun he's across the road now he's looked at my brother and his friends like where is he the guy was acting like a civilian the guy that was our enemy he came around the bus stop stabbed my brother twice in the neck once in the chest My Brothers F fall off the bike now my youngest Brothers run across the road they're having a knife fight he stabbed my brother 11 times my brother stabbed him like around 18 19 times so they're just going at it but when you thatan is coming in you're just going in and then my youngest brother runs to my brother and this is and this is Subhan Allah I said to my brother you see when you love and when you go life through pain you know how to bond with each other my youngest brother saw his older brother on the floor when the blood is just squirting out and even though he's got 11 holes in him he putting pressure on the brother on his neck and looking at him then my other friend come took out the shotgun from the bag and shot the guy in the back took off his whole shoulders M them would say but you're a criminal you don't deserve it no bro this was survival what are you talking about you don't know I understand it wasn't you told me a little bit about it that your upbringing and the bullying we've never ever done nothing for St people just kept going at you it wasn't over some people might think it's you know what what what happened but I gathered from you was nothing about drugs or anything people were just after you just happen to be in the wrong place and your circumstances and your background that's what you were telling me me to know that the Muslims call us criminals you didn't choose that thank you it upsets me that the Muslims call us criminals that the Muslim that look at this roadman ex- roadman now he thinks he's an IM but shut your mouth what are you talking about you have no idea you never said you're an Imam amongst us you've acted like a very humble young student who was ready to learn and we have to take it easy on you and be fair to you and merciful and compassionate to you I've learned so much about you in these four days I see you like almost I mean I don't look at but I can I'm old enough to almost be like your father and uh I see you like a nephew that is ready to be gu and I think we need to invest in you we need to help you and Empower you and nurture you and you get more knowledge in more wisdom because you have a foundation we don't have and that is you understand the youth better than anyone else perhaps Allah subhana wa taala may have uh did the all these circumstances for you to bring something out of you but youth should understand that this is not the life and they should not follow it's not cold it's a rough tough I can tell you are full of pain alhamdulillah you are full of pain and you're finding for the first time your Paradise so your mother went to visit you in the prison and she was in her modesty tell us the moment that made you change is the fact that I couldn't touch her and I couldn't hug her behind the glass because because I had a close visit normally you have a normal visit where you come and they bring you some food and someone like snacks that you normally get from the canteen but because I was on CLA visit due to being a violent prisoner I wasn't allowed to associate with the rest of the prisoners that were on visit I had to have my own room and in that room there's a big glass from side to side and I couldn't even smell her and then one I it was it was difficult for me and I and I wanted I wanted that comfort for my mom and then finding out that she's driven she it's taken her 3 hours to come to me and 3 hours to go back why am I going to live my mother now she's come to see her son my brother's called that case on the same day I went to prison so my mother saw three of our kids out of four in prison all all at the same time how did that make you feel a he crumbled me that's what made me change and I made the oath to myself I myself made the oath to Allah I made the oath to my mother I said I'm never going to go back to the sick and twisted ways that I was I make Mak a promise that I'm going to be inah coming out bear in mind I never ever got hurt on the streets I got rushed that's nothing but actually getting stabbed or getting short no I got sh by my enemies on free different occasions but alhamdulillah no bullet touched me the reality Allah had me but when I came out of prison I got tested and while my brothers were still in prison I came out of prison I was tested as in like and Allah told you you claim you believed sorry you claim you believe and you won't be tested let me let me test you to see if if if that oath you made with me in prison meant something or that oath you made with your parents meant something and I got stabbed the first time by a friend at a train station on my way to a dentist appointment I saw him this is the same guy that I actually had a fight with back in the day before prison I found that he became a Muslim Allah I saw him at the train station we huged it out we we said Salam to each other and happy days I said Timbo forgive me you're Muslim now you're my brother I got you like you understand he goes to me so you're not going to go back to the Ros no bro with your experience in that life can you tell us why why do youth go down that road what what are the reasons that make him go down from your from your experience from your own thoughts your opinion why do youth look for stuff like that that just ruins their life and they know it's ruining it's miserable what is it about it that makes them go down there I mean what do you think are the reasons is it lack of knowing about Islam is it lack of family is the relationship with their parents is it because they don't can't find themselves no one's guiding them is it bullying is it judgment what is it quite a few things but based on my observation it's a lack of love and care from the household that's number one one M number two is a lack of Islam without fail a lack of basic etiquet of Islam you don't need to gain knowledge in your early years you just need to know what is Haram that is pleasing to Allah and displeasing to Allah for your range of age of an adult range of age your range of age no and then leave them be let them learn everything else the moment you make them a prisoner or feel like a prisoner inside the household the moment you will lose them outside cuz they will find comfort in someone else that they that you can't give them Comfort the youth won Comfort we get afraid as parents that if we let them do things then we're not going to get them back we get scared as parents that if I don't guide them so sometimes if parent doesn't know what to do they get scared that they're going to lose their child you know like Prophet on the boat say son son please please please in the end the wave took him we're afraid of the Waves taking our children so why don't you go with the wave tell me what do you mean by that what I mean by going with the wave you make yourself vulnerable to your child you let them know of the struggles that you had when you was his age and growing up interesting that doesn't and the struggles of his uncles maybe struggles from his cousins maybe where did that led you that led them to being obedient to Allah now where did that lead you that led you to be a man of regret why are you a man of regret I thought you love that life no bro regret is a form of repentance it's a form of getting rid of your ego definitely your arrogance regret is a form of you understanding you are human you make mistakes but now let's not try and fall back into those mistakes no let's and this something I don't like oh we need to protect our kids what are you talking about protect your kids from what out there protections from Allah what you need to do is prepare them there's a big difference prepare and protect you prepare them for going down that path and let them hate it if you protect them they're more eager to know what are you protecting me from I want to know what you're protecting me from no no no protection comes from Allah you've done your part that's here but preparing them is a whole different pathway be a parent be merciful sit with them show your vulnerability talk about it listen to them let them feel that their identity is strong she sometimes my daughter asks about my mom she sees me getting ter up she knows I miss my mom she wipes away my tears alhamdulillah she knows that's that's that's the bond I have of my daughter you understand it is where it is like the first Eid I had with my so the first Ramadan I had without my mom my daughter I have no 5 years old telling me ah it's going to be different this year what you what you talking about babba yeah Grandma's not here let them see you being vulnerable inside the house if you cry you cry you're human you're like them don't be the stern and this something my dad was always like Stern letting you know like like keep it to yourself not to say he was bad it's what he got programmed and we by default we got programmed in this but now life is the greatest lesson masallah you've learned this on your own alhamdulillah tell me about your relationship with your sisters alhamdulillah I have a very close relationship with my older sisters than I do with my younger sister by growing up who was closer to her but when I became an adult when a became a uh when I became married cuz they got married before me when I became a father a I call them the free Musketeers the troublemakers my mom and both of my older sisters those three the advice you would get from them is like it's like it's like you're being interrogated by fre women all at the same time but it's good advice obviously and my mother would say something and my sister would say something then the other one would disagree with my mom or the other would disagree with my sister and now there's two against one and and it's like and you're just sitting there thinking this is advice for me not for yourselves and not attacking yourselves so my so when when my mother returned back to Allah I saw that there was I saw that there was problems I saw that there was problems between the sisters now why because my mother was the glue and now they because their character are so different from one another they don't have that glue anymore to let them know put your differences of course my mother is the compass we feel lost the mother goes she's the one that Encompass her she goes we feel very lost she's the compass to life yeah she is the magnet that brings everyone together yeah that magnet is being taken away who are you drawn to yeah you love your sisters I love them you take their advice above you help them to my best of my abilities they have their husbands to help them when they were when they were still single you ever help with the dishes did they help you with the dishes my sisters could tell you this when I say help them with the dishes it means in my household there was no difference between the boy and the girl doing dishes doing we were both the same my sister sometimes would do I said come here let me do it and this relationship did you have a similar one like that with your sisters my sisters we fight over who's going to wash the dishes why because I myself I find washing dishes hoovering ironing very therapeutic my wife uses that though you find it therapeutic very W I don't know I'm a very angry person you rough tough person find ironing the because of prison sh cuz I lived by myself I knew how to take care of I see myself so you get into this routine you live by yourself you're you know how to nurture yourself cuz you're in behind the closed door yeah so ironing washing up cleaning yourself now but this on a different scale cleaning your house I love it my wife uses and abuses it though I don't like it so whenever I'm in a fobe now she goes am am am she says that to yeah like cuz she knows I like eyeing him so she goes oh yeah but you know what eyeing this for tomorrow as well relax yourself relax you're going a bit too far now but I bet you say relax but you're still eyeing it I still eyeing it I still may Allah bless bless you this is you know with marriage this is important to know that we sometimes look at men sometimes like when you look at you talking you think he's the aggressive misogynous type that looks down on women but when we look into your life in actual practice your words may not come out in the right place at times and that's okay we're always learning with words you said it yourself your English is not the best and you're still learning to articulate yourself sometimes it's happened to me I want to say something then it comes out in the wrong way that's the way I should have said it even till now but when we look at you know you walk the talk masallah and when we look at how you got no difference you know in your house it's not gender bias it's not this is you have to iron I'm not touching it you like you get told off for not iring and you say come on AR you still do it so because you help your wife and your children see that and I learned that from my sisters yeah I got admit you learned that from your sisters my sisters man my sisters is the one that um they always said like like it's it's like it's like they prepared Me by using Reverse Psychology from before going to prison so they made you fall in love with doing house draws why cu the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam used to do it Al true do you understand to help yes so if the prophet used to do it who are we ah I know who we are we follow the Quran and the Sunnah upon the understanding of the West that's who we are cuz the West tells you say you know this is not for you you have a position to play no Islam tells you whatever happens under your roof you are equal in love in respect in care in passion in affection ald and you said the key is we have a role model whom Allah sent to us there has come to you the best example in the messenger of Allah and that is your motto you have a standard which you go by you know in science I don't know if you ever done science when we do an experiment you cannot do an experiment without something called a standard or a control you have to get a you you have do to test you and in order for your experience to be compared you have to have something that's that you compare to yes a stand like say water that doesn't change and then there's something called variable the variable means we're going to try and whatever works that's similar we take this as a role model this this this so Muhammad s Ali belongs the best of examples when you have a standard to go by who is Messenger of Allah in the Quran no matter how far you go wrong you're telling me you go back on that stand and start again and start again he is your foundation as a human as a he's he's the he's describ it has to be it needs to be there's a big you need to understand where you where you stand with this you need to understand you know I've listened to a few of your talks wrapping them up inshallah now I've listened to a few of your talks I haven't listened too much but a few alhamdulillah avoid that person avoid no no no no I like to listen and we never see ourselves better than than other people is always something to learn you have something I don't have for example a lot of my colleagues and a lot of the shs they don't have even Educators and teachers I told you about that you have something and that is you tell us exactly what the mind of the youth is going through and that teaches us about how to articulate and which directions to go it helps psychologists it helps therapists it helps counselors we need that information people like you give us that valuable information you don't know that in textbooks this is this is an art that's an education that many people so let me give you something that I do now yeah I go to different Mass different youth clubs I've been even invited to like church groups that they're telling me we're not Muslim but all of our boys in church they watch you oh W Muslims you're non Muslims I would go because it's about relating exactly it's it's is is resonating with the person that's going through the same things you're going through right now and people think yeah I'm an adult this guy is a 30y old guy what's he what are you talking about I'm still a youth I still class myself as a youth anyone that's above 40 now yeah yeah you're old still but anyone above 40 now your youth is done or your adulthood starts what are you saying about me bro you're a handsome guy so so let me know go to a different type of topic here oh man what I'm saying cuz now you be doing to get interrogated I wasn't going to be able to go to sleep tonight make me feel good no no no I'm saying Allah blessed you with being a teacher so you to know I would always say this be the best teacher for yourself first and foremost see what you can learn from yourself anything that you lack in Excel in so people think whatever you're good in Excel in no the stuff that you're good at leave it there they come in handy is what you lack in you need to excel work on them because those are your good for is never going to job you're good at it you're good like I get I'm a construction worker I'm good with my hands I like to build I like hard work you want to see me behind a computer that's doing this's not to disrespect the people that do that that's not my cup of tea though my is physical work doing working construction doing building a house that's what I love doing and at the same time it takes me away from my pain I got a bag on my stomach and I've got nerve damage on the left side of my body it constantly is in pain I've got the sensitive side of nerve damage not the numbness so was constantly there so at times like last night I struggled to see if I was in pain why because the it was too sensitive I can't wear a sock I can't even put a blanket on the left side of my body cuz anything that touches it just feels like I'm getting electrocuted it's there but when it gets touched it just goes a bit in a higher frequency so it hurts so for me to be vulnerable with the youth to this level and I'm telling them bro I know where you're feeling like let's do this together I'm not going to leave you to it but let's do this together that's a gift I was saying that I listened to some of your talks and sometimes I say okay this young man here he's not talking from the books he's talking from his experience and therefore sometimes you would give an opinion and I know this is from your own experience yes and sometimes some people can resonate with that some people have a tough time accepting that from you some people expect from you really really high because they're looking at you in the wrong way they're looking as this great scholar or this she or this person who should know better but what you're actually doing is that you're reaching out to the that segment of the youth and that segment of the youth that's vulnerable You're relating to them in a way we can't so we have to have compassion with people like you and like me and take it easy you said something before where we judge each other too much online no Allah we got to really look at our intentions and think are we really trying to guide this person and help them for the sake of Allah cuz we want the best for for them or are we doing it to bring attention to ourselves this is something even myself all my life I've been afraid of it's called to show off your good deeds if I want good for you and really truly you mentioned some of the mash who have studied at least we call them students of knowledge and some of them Scholars you can tell the difference when they want to advise you they advised you in the most merciful way alhamdulillah and I remember when you were saying that you've got those shes around you advise you different way to the rest you can take it because they really truly you feel the care they take you aside and they advise you and you correct yourself like the man who came to the prophet Muhammad s and he he was a young man was about 16 17 years old he was a sh he was a um a young person he comes to people around him and he said please give me permission to commit fornication I want to do Zena in front of everybody no but that's not the point the people started screaming how could he talk like that to the prophet doesn't he know any better how rude he is the prophet Sall Al wasallam said everybody leave him alone bring bring him to me very close right here so he avoided the public and he gave him importance son come right next to me came really close so nobody can hear and say what you're asking for would you like it for your sister said I would Ransom myself to no I wouldn't want it for my sister would it like it for her mother and he would say no would you like it for your daughter would you like it for your auntie would you like it the Kim's gone no he said and the same people would not like it for that you know same thing they would not like it for for their own that's when he said W there was no more hated act to me than Zena after that Z fornication just from the approach of the Prophet s Ali wasallam we need to nurture and take it easy if we truly want to advise someone the man who urinated in the Masid time everybody said how could he urinate some of them went for their swords said let him finish let him finishes urination in the Masid then he called him closer and he said to him this is not a place he says Habibi I'm trying to make a point here that yes you're going to make mistakes some sometimes the words won't come right and we're going to focus on the gift that Allah has given you people when Allah bring that as an asset for the young people so in our final remarks Here Am my brother Aman can you give just any simple advice to the youth as final remarks inshallah take your time mention one two or three points insh I just want to make it clear you you know I'm not a scholar I'm not an IM I'm not an as well I'm trying to be that carpet that you use before coming home the one you wipe your shoes on the one you have to dust off all each and every dirt before you leave I mean sorry before you get into your house or before you get into a Masid or before you get into a hotel whatever it may be what an I want to be that carpet that you you have to dust off yourself to prepare for the people of knowledge prepare for the people of that sacrific their time for the dean I'm happy being that carpet not the carpet that the genie flies on and takes you around the world no let me be that carpet it humbles me and and it reminds me of where I came from and where I'm trying to go where I'm trying to go is to their position the people I'm trying to for with them too but for now I'm happy where I am you know why because knowledge I've seen which people haven't seen I Hope they've seen I've seen knowledge make people arrogant but they have no adab they got their characteristics is far from the dean yes you got knowledge but your character is bad your manners are bad your etiquet are bad your your behavior is bad because of what knowledge shouldn't make you arrogant I know exactly what you're saying but maybe we can rephrase it correct me if I'm wrong perhaps what we're saying here is knowledge is good yes but when people get knowledge if their Heart's Not sincere they will use the knowledge to become arrogant yes is that is that what you 100% and that's exactly yes but I know people of knowledge they've gained knowledge they would rather be in the same carpet as me as low as me because knowledge has made them humble so without sincerity facts there is no knowledge the more knowledge he they've gained the humbler they've become knowledge shouldn't make you arrogant shouldn't make you arrogant use it in the right way 100% now why do do I resonate I make mistakes make excuses for your Muslim brother and a Muslim is someone that another Muslim is safe from their tongue and their hands am I safe from you I'm not like sh I got told I told people the story of my when my wife got told you know now we're pregnant I got told I could never have kids cuz I got tortured I got kidnapped I got told I could never have kids I told the story to my fellow Muslims alhamdulillah who has saved you from that life alhamdulillah and blessed you and you have the audacity as a Muslim to say your wife cheated on you how dare you to have that that means you lack that Allah subhana T can bring Miracles you lack that you need to fix yourselves I want you to know even the prophets received great and more hurtful words used to say Moses was harmed more than that by his people and he remained patient persevering I will be patient you know's wife was accused of adultery do you remember that story so when you stand for the sake of Allah and you are sincere you're going to find opposition let them be and you continue for the sake of Allah so long as Allah is pleased with you be strong and brave about it what's the second advice you can give so number one remain humble and aspire to the sincere knowledgeable people number two what can you ADV the youngsters this is this is the a I learned from my mom I think I'll end it on this I used to hear my mom recite this ay a lot especially when she's washing up or when she's watching something or when she's preparing food and she used to say it and this Ayah no disrespect to the rest of the Quran but it means something to me now that my mother at least she's gone back to Allah it means something to me and I realize that no matter what you're going through in life if you implement this in your life you're going to be in a good prision financially physically mentally and so on and so forth It's from Surah yusf my favorite Surah and the AY is that I only complain of my sorrow my grief to Allah I can't do that to friends cuz my friends were once they may become my enemies I can't do that to my wife cuz one day we may get divorced I can't do that with my kids cuz may maybe one day we'll stop speaking I can't do that with my brothers or sisters cuz one day we'll have an altercation and we don't speak for but Allah is will never turn his back on you Allah is the one that is there for you no matter what time of the day is it's an invisible phone that you need to call that you need to pick up to speak to your s is that phone call and my key words and I always say this if you ever need to call Allah Allah has given you the digits to call him 2 4 434 two for four for four for for and four for I'm going to use that in me Allah has given you a number for you to call but that's a number to call him beautiful but other than calling him that's what prophet when he lost his son for a while and that was the Dua of talking before she was slandered even wasallam couldn't do much for her he saw her and then she said I just complain my sorrow my grief to Allah my grief to Allah alhamdulillah this for me is what I go by every single [Music] day I'm in pain 24/7 you may see me right now I'm bubbling I'm smiling I like to B I don't want people to know I don't want people to feel sorry for me I don't want simp I don't I don't I don't like I've never have so why am I going to I'm in pain please no you know what that's called in the Quran since you said there is patience and there is beautiful patience and the scholar said the beautiful patience means exactly what you just said that is the strongest person where they only complain to Allah as in they say my worries and my sorrows not complaining about Allah they talk about this or and to no one else that's called The Best of patience and if it is a burden beautiful PA then in the eyes of Allah understand if you have him as your lord yeah understand this it becomes a beautiful burden a burden you wouldn't mind having because he draws you closer to Allah just look at it like that it's not beautiful uh uh I would say it's an amazing gift a very big strong heavy gift on that note it was a pleasure an honor very thank you the honor the honor is man but now that I've got your number I'm going to use and abuse you look you already you can use and abuse me for the sake of Allah subhana tala any time as used to say may Allah bless you keep you guided forgive your sins have mercy on your mother and give blessings to your father and your brothers and your sisters may Allah continue to make your rise to become better and better amen and as a gift to the other young people in the world and to all of us increase you in knowledge I just wanted to say as well I'm sorry to hear about your brother may Allah reunite you with them and especially your son I know I know there a diff two different people in our lives that passed away and I know they're very special to us but w you and your family and your son and your brother in my Dua and I pray Allah subhana wa tala reunites you in a way where is pleasing to him and I always say this to people whatever struggle you're going with so going through I will I I pray that you remain in that struggle for as long as it draws you closer to Allah alhamdulillah if it's a struggle that takes you away from the dean of Allah I pray you remain in that same struggle until you come back to am mean they become my strength here just like this has become your strength Muslim never gives up keep going getting stronger alhamdulillah we have Allah bless you

Channel: Belal Assaad

Views: 645,246

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Id: tdrpYAM--54

Length: 71min 39sec (4299 seconds)

Published: Sun Jan 14 2024