My parents never argued about those things in Hong Kong. I don't know why they would quarrel after coming to the UK. If they hadn't come, maybe they wouldn't be arguing. After all, when you arrive in a new environment, it's inevitable to feel a bit uneasy. Some changes are not as expected, and I don't want to cry in front of others. But when I'm alone and think about it, I feel like crying. A mother called me and asked if we could meet for counseling. She said she's preparing to immigrate, getting ready to come to the UK. But suddenly, she panicked and didn't know how to handle. She's afraid that immigration is a wrong decision. Essential Planning for Immigrant Journey Today, we will take the train to Solihull. Joe and his wife Gigi arrived in the UK in mid-2021 with the BNO visa, which is a place they’ve never been before. They started a YouTube channel, to capture the moments of unfolding life here. Because we've come to a new place, it's the brand new us. We use this channel to record how we embark on this new life. We don't know what the living environment will be like, whether we can find jobs or how long we can sustain ourselves. We may have to share accommodation with others. We may have to do jobs we're not willing to do, or to use any means to save on living expenses, etc. Because we only have each other to rely on, with no one else to turn to. He mentioned the worst-case scenario just now. We anticipated the worst situation, and we have been trying our best to avoid that from happening. We are working towards the same goal. It's now 04:10 on 22 October, and I'm now walking to work. Why walk? For the friends who've come to the UK, there are generally no overnight buses. It has already started snowing in the UK. I just checked the weather, it is -1 degree Celsius now. The entire road is covered in snow, and it's icy, making the road very slippery. The experience of walking to work is, of course, it’s cold, an unfamiliar feeling I'm actually a bit worried. If it snows heavily when I'm going to work, I won't be able to walk and get to work. In a new place, it's always the most difficult at the beginning. I'm embarking on a completely new path in my life, so everyone has to keep working hard. It takes about an hour to walk in the morning, and it takes an hour to walk during the coldest time. When the weather is warmer, it only takes 45 minutes. Even if it's snowing and the river is frozen, making it slippery, you still have to walk. It may seem like a challenging experience. The journey is not long, but that moment had a significant impact on me. Joe had been in the UK for five months at that time. He was unable to find a job in his field in Hong Kong and had to work night shifts at a supermarket. During the job search process, he began to question himself That period was challenging. I got many job opportunities and interviews with HR consultants or headhunting companies, but there was no positive response. Either there was no feedback or progress to the next stage, but ultimately, no employment offer. She (my wife) found a job as a cashier at a supermarket. I didn't get any responses though. Not even when applying for a job at the supermarket. She worked, and I accompanied her to work. Waiting until her shift ended. On Sundays, I sat in the coffee shop across the street, waiting for her to finish work. If she finished at five, I waited until five. (Wait for her throughout work hours?) Yes, she probably started work around 8am. I sat in the coffee shop until 4pm or 5pm. In those moments when you're alone, many thoughts naturally came to mind. Why can't I find a job? Is it because I'm not qualified enough? I would get caught up in overthinking. In reality, immigration is a significant change. It's normal for problems to arise. In fact, the absence of issues would be more concerning. In fact, the absence of issues would be more concerning. Elaine, from Hong Kong, currently works as a family therapist in the mental health department of the NHS in the UK. She also has a private practice. She deals with cases including immigrants from different ethnic backgrounds experiencing emotional or mental health issues during the adaptation process. Life is much more stable for Hongkongers when they are in Hong Kong. Many aspects of life can be planned for, and they can adequately prepare to handle issues. But here, the culture is different, the methods of dealing with problems are also different. Many unforeseen situations may arise. There would be a loss of certainty. As you can no longer use the established methods, the effective old ways that have been in use for years. Living in this environment, you can't use your familiar methods. Either I stubbornly refuse to adapt to the new system and continue using my methods; or I integrate into the new system. This will inevitably involve a period of adaptation. In 2021 and 2022, I saw an increase in cases involving Hongkongers, related to immigration. In my interactions with them, I notice their problems. Some are directly related to immigration, including difficulties adapting to the lifestyle here, which lead to emotional issues such as insomnia, anxiety, or difficulties in socializing. or difficulties in socializing. Some are more indirect, such as emotional and behavioural issues among teenagers in schools. We find that these are related to their immigration and the challenges they face in adapting to life here. Trafford Hongkongers CIC, the organization assisting Hong Kong immigrants, collaborated with 8 other similar organizations in Manchester, conducted a survey in early 2023 on Hongkongers living in the Greater Manchester area. conducted a survey in early 2023 on Hongkongers living in the Greater Manchester area. Survey results show that 30% of Hong Kong immigrants planning to work were unemployed. The survey also found that facing difficulties in job hunting can lead interviewees to feel a strain on family relationships. Subsequently, this can affect their mental and physical health. Joe later successfully transitioned to a more ideal job. But in a video looking back on the journey to the UK, the emotions that had been suppressed finally unexpectedly poured out a year later. Revisiting this path, which had been captured in videos taken at night. It was on this road where we filmed, and we haven't passed through here for a full year. Since leaving work at Tesco and transitioning to other jobs, we haven't passed through here. transitioning to other jobs, we haven't passed through here. We have been here in the UK for two years since May. We experienced many ups and downs together... Going through our lives… it will be better. Are you deeply moved?
It might get better... In daily life and in videos, Joe usually portrays a positive and optimistic demeanor. However, during a period of setbacks in job hunting, he experienced emotional lows that he hadn't faced before. I wasn't thinking very negatively, but men... we don't like to cry in front of others. But thinking about it on my own, I find myself wanting to cry. I know… perhaps deep down, or psychologically, there might be some issues. That's why I felt like crying. But I was actually afraid to tell her. Because we are facing a new life together. If I carry negative emotions all the time, both of us will be unhappy. Men may be more implicit and find it difficult to express, “I’m very upset.” "I can't find a job, and I'm really unhappy." It's hard to say this to her. If I had told her, it would only put pressure on her, so I decided not to tell her. He was quieter during that time, not as talkative as usual, less expressive. During those quieter moments, I knew he must be... Because from a man's perspective, it can be challenging. He would pretend as if nothing happened, still engaging in conversation with me. But I could sense the absence of his usual cheerfulness and joy. I would suggest having some dessert to relieve stress or divert attention. He actually handled it quite well. At least, he didn't get mad; he was just quieter. There's a unique aspect in Hong Kong: certain household roles... can actually be outsourced to others. To domestic helpers, parents as well as elders at home. Let them share some of the workload. But when you are in the UK, you cannot outsource any work most of the time. Moreover, the environment in Hong Kong is more densely populated, it's easier to find support from others. I had a case where initially, the wife told me that her husband was depressed. She felt that he couldn't adapt to life here, causing panic when going outside. The husband even couldn't communicate with others. Upon further investigation during the assessment, it was found that when they were still in Hong Kong, their marital relationship was already strained. In the past, the role of the husband was to earn money, and that was all he needed to do. But his role changed after coming here. Without a job, he had to take on household chores, transportation, and even cooking. The couple already had their own conflicts. Moreover, the change in roles couldn't be adjusted properly, which led to significant depression or anxiety. I remember he mentioned that in Hong Kong, as long as he worked, there’s no problem. But he doesn’t know what to do here right now. Every member of an immigrant family is actually facing significant life changes at the same time. Elaine points out that if parents handle it improperly, the emotions of children can be easily affected. Mum may hit, bite, and throw things. She bites my father. Not biting us (the children), but biting father when they argue. Throwing things, screaming, rushing out of the house... You think it is your responsibility that their relationship turned bad? Hmm... When did it start becoming your responsibility? When we came to the UK So you feel it's your responsibility after coming to the UK? Ada, still in secondary school, moved with her family from Hong Kong to the UK. Her mother and brother faced difficulties in adapting, and her parents' relationship had problems. Later, she developed severe symptoms of emotional illness and needed therapy. Ada (pseudonym) (voice processed)
(Sick period) Basically, during that time, I hardly saw the sun. Ada (pseudonym) (voice processed)
I would just lock myself in the room and Ada (pseudonym) (voice processed)
wouldn't take care of myself. Ada (pseudonym) (voice processed)
Rarely took showers, brushed my teeth, and rarely went out. During that time, I didn't go to school; I just slept because time passed faster when I slept. She recalls that before the family left Hong Kong, the family didn't discuss the expectations after arriving. She didn't even know that after they settled down, her dad would return to Hong Kong. Her mom had to take care of the children alone in the new environment, feeling very helpless. In my memory, there wasn't a discussion. You all went to the UK first, and then dad would come later. It was only when I arrived in the UK that I found out dad would come later to stay. But at that time, there were no issues yet. Mom might be a bit upset. She didn't have friends here, not even one nearby. Every day, she woke up just to take care of us. She rarely went out for shopping or anything, and she had no interests or hobbies. She just went out to buy food and take care of us. So it's not like she was happy. I felt she experienced hard time. She would hope dad could give advice. But dad was not here, so she felt helpless as if there’s no one to assist. Later, after her dad came to the UK to stay, problems arose in their relationship, and the dynamics in the family became tense. Ada began showing symptoms of emotional illness and couldn't even recall details and feelings from life in Hong Kong. Perhaps it's because they frequently argue now, I would only pay attention to that. I don't know how to describe their previous situation. Even if it was happy before, I don’t care anymore. So I can't recall right now. I just know their relationship is very bad now. My parents might think that if I were a strong person, and wouldn't be affected. Sometimes, I feel they think this way. So ultimately, my illness becomes my own problem. Because we live together, their relationship, the atmosphere in how they get along, affects me at home. Usually, I'm either at school or at home. If I can’t be relaxed at home, I won't be happy. During the immigration process, children actually have a lot of issues to deal with. Including adapting to school life, language barriers, and even social problems. When they don't know how to handle it and they notice their parents are also struggling, the situation will cause children a lot of anxiety or worry. They might think, even if my parents are struggling, how can I be okay? Mom hopes dad would specify the time of returning home, leading to argument. There may be disputes about cooking or not, even when doing household chores. Mom feels, why does she have to do all the housework. She hopes dad can share the load, and so on. The most annoying thing is it seems like they always have some problems that can't be solved. I've encountered some cases about the couple actually had problems when they were in Hong Kong. But as we mentioned before, life in Hong Kong is stable. Even if there are conflicts in the couple, you would try to use different ways and resources to avoid conflects. to avoid conflects. But immigration, as you pointed out, is a trigger. It's like lifting the carpet. All the things underneath will be exposed. I believe parents should be the core of the family, especially in immigrant families. Parents are the leaders leading the whole family to face a significant change. First and foremost is mental health. If parents have the ability to support each other, The most important thing is not whether they are capable. But that children see that parents have the ability to support each other. If there is negotiation and communication between them, then children will perceive that difficulties are not a problem. As long as everyone works together, there's a chance to sort things out. A survey of Hong Kong immigrants in the Greater Manchester area reveals that participants considered the most impacting factor on family relationships is financial stress in the family. Followed by communication with spouses, lack of emotional outlets, “astronaut” spouses, family members struggling to adapt to the new environment and issues related to parenting. If you notice problems arising in your family involving one family member or yourself, I think it's essential to take a pause, and calm down. Don't randomly seek solutions just because you don’t know what to do. What's important is to take the issues to the various members of your family. If there are parents, start by having a conversation. Similar to a business meeting. Taking the family relationship issues or matters that need attention in your home to be discussed like in a company meeting. Children should also participate. Everyone can discuss during the meeting, express your feelings, talk about the problems you think have arisen. Starting from this direction is a good idea. It's been two years. Joe and Gigi have both found jobs they like. They have also bought their own place in Manchester. The troubles are already in the past. Alright, let's plan a trip to Edinburgh. What's the itinerary? You keep saying you want to eat Indian food. Where can we find it? There are a lot, or we can try Greek cuisine. Actually, we chat every day. Even when we were just classmates and not living together. I will set aside time every day, even if we may not be able to meet. We also chat about what happened during the day. What made us unhappy or happy? We share. Communication is the most important thing between us. Initially, when she started working, while I didn't. I became a cook at home. I had to prepare dinner before picking her up from work. Making sure the dishes were ready. Dinner had to be ready shortly after returning home. So we could eat within a short time. The roles shifted during that time. Up to now, I am still the one who cook. But the key is whether I am enjoying it. I have been working in Hong Kong for more than ten years. Now, the job I have here requires me to start over again. It’s fine. At least they appreciate our skills now. They also don't mind the cultural differences, or not being familiar with things in the UK. So, I can only say, I am currently in the initial stage. We had a tour in London in spring time last year. When returning from London, I felt that I really wanted to return to Manchester. The feeling when coming back, was like coming home. I just felt at that moment, I knew we had truly settled. Immigrating itself is already a difficult matter. To be frank, Hong Kong people are very remarkable and impressive. They make up their mind in a short period of time. Uprooting everything in the family and moving to a place that may not be familiar. The family must make necessary preparations before leaving, which is not about buying a house or finding a school. It’s about the mindset. Whether the family is willing to face the challenges together. In one’s lifetime, there may not be many instances of immigration. I would suggest approaching it with a positive attitude. It's a great opportunity for the entire family to change in a completely new way. Everyone can start anew. How can everyone renegotiate their roles and positions in the family? And it's a new beginning, I find it very exciting. Although there will be many uncertainties, it can also be very enjoyable.
