Merci. Welcome to the show
"The Show", I want to welcome a dear guest,
and friend, sort of a friend I kind of know him;
he's a TV channel colleague, Mr. Sherif Amer. Mr. Sherif Amer hosts the show
Happening in Egypt on MBC what is happening in Egypt Sherif?
No .. seriously do you know? - "You tell me." -"You tell me?" Are you just a name for nothing Mr. Sherif?
Please pick appropriate names, Happening in Egypt,
I don't know so name it something else! Anyways, speaking of what's happening
in Egypt, I'm optimistic. No really,
I'm optimistic. The future is looking bright,
and humanity is fated to meet happiness, I feel like goods will rain on us from
the skies.
Planet Earth will witness this
Monday, -"the passing of a large meteorite
at a very close distance." - "A large space rock." - "A space rock." - "A large rock, coming closer to Earth." A rock? A rock (blow) from space?
Did anyone feel that blow guys? Can we really bear any blowing? We wake up and sleep to blowing,
enough blowing already! Enough blowing. Humans are very fragile,
a single blow can fly him away. This is why we have to do good deeds,
we have decided to change The Show, today is a humanitarian episode, tonight we will talk about
the dreams of the youth. Today, young people all want to
leave the country, do you know why? Because they wanted a job to work,
but the job worked them over. They wanted to ride the transport,
but the transport rode them instead. They wanted to enter the world,
but instead the world.. Did anyone try to listen to what
the youth has to say? See what they want? Tonight we will listen to one of the
members of the younger generation, and try to help him.
What does he want? - "I want to go to Vienna, see the opera. I want to go to Italy and see live music. In New Zealand they have the best
meat in the world, they cook it on stones and pebbles,
I want to go eat that meat." To eat that meat? Off stones and pebbles?
See? When we couldn't afford these young
people the basics of life here, they had to resort to eating meat off the
floor in another country, what a tragedy! Under the humanitarian initiative,
we will not leave you, we will help you. Tell us, why can't you realize all
your dreams? Those are some of the several things
we will be able to do after this country stands on its own two feet, and God
willing we get a president. That's it? That's all that's stopping you?
That's an easy request to fulfill, it's only a matter of a couple of months,
the elections will be in June or March or October I don't really know.
And we will elect! And we will have a president and you will be able to travel
and eat meat. You have to make do these days with
eating out of a plate or a foil piece, just until we get that president. I will tell you a sentence,
a difficult one. But I know that all of you can comprehend
this statement. Today, Abdel Fattah El Seesi became
Egypt's president. Whoa whoa whoa,
WHOA WHOA! WHOOOAAAAA,
HEY HEY! HEY!! What are you on about?!! So you want
to eat meat from New Zealand so you just appoint a president,
come on Mr. Amr. It can't work like that! We can't let
our stomachs lead us like that, we're talking about a country,
institutions, democracy. Seriously do we pick our stomachs or
democracy? Stomach of course, this is a no brainer. So is what you're saying based on
facts or are is it just your hunger talking? Starting today, starting 10 minutes
or half an hour ago, the world, both inside and outside
the country, has started treating Abdel Fattah El Seesi
as the President of Egypt. Everything that will happen in the
Coming months is just ceremonial
signing of documents. Okay Amr you can go ahead
and eat. That's it he's already the president,
all these processions of the election and voting polls and counting the votes are
just ceremonial, just for show. This sort of unnecessary ordeal is the
reason we're lagging behind, all the other countries stopped this
sort of thing ages ago. And then someone says, let's do it
every four years! That's so fu...nny that the best days of
our lives are lost on these ceremonies. He will run, and he will win don't worry,
but he will run. But before he announces his candidacy,
he just needs to just...uh... why hasn't he announced yet? -"The visit of Marshal Abdel Fattah El Seesi
to Moscow, is one of the reasons that he has delayed,
announcing his candidacy for president, and taking off
the military uniform." - "We heard of missile deals being made." - "Offensive and defensive missiles
included in Egypt's armament deal." Missiles? And Russian ones? No if that's the case we should wait
and let go of the meat from New Zealand. Let's stay with the missiles that.. uh.
Ahem. Do we have any other information
about these missiles? We heard about deals about a missile
alled S or military bases for a missile S300, and the system Eskandar which is the
strongest military air defense system, and the hunter of the night. Now we're talking! A few S missiles,
and the heavy artillery S300, and the night hunter.. Night hunter?
Are they planning a fetish attack? So there was no reason for this visit
besides the missiles? No other benefit or piece of
information? - "The Russian president Putin has
welcomed and supported the candidacy of Marshal Seesi for President of Egypt." - "He told him we wish you the
best of luck." - "It's not a direct endorsement, he just wished him good luck if he
decides to run." - "He said we hope you.." Okay, we wish you good luck,
we all do. We all do, of course you know the
next elections will be a tough race, a very fierce battle. And who knows, perhaps Marshal Seesi
may surprise us all and win! All surprises are possible. the winner is decided in seconds so
you never know. Seriously may god be by his side,
we're all praying for him. But just to still our hearts,
we want a confirmed piece of information. Has he in fact decided yet or not? - "The final decision of Marshal Seesi
is that he will in fact run." - "Will the man run or not?" - "We're asking you,
you're the one who interviewed him." - "I'm telling you right now, if he
doesn't run I will divorce my wife." - "He himself has said I have endorsed
myself for you, till death do us part
for better or worse" Congratulations!! Now they can be seen
together in public and no one can say anything
because it's official! Everyone tell your family and friends! May god always keep away the evil eye, and those who insist on being
pessimistic and saying no, a hand to ward off evil. - "I hope, just hope, that he doesn't
run for president, Marshal Seesi." - "How I feel inside, is I would rather
he keep his current position." - "I hope that he doesn't run." Bring me this dog that spoke at
the end there. Doesn't run? "I hope he doesn't run"
you agent! Do you know how much this clown
makes every month? Do you know? I know ha ha ha. But honestly, I want to review what
I've said, when I watched the video, I realized my mistake, and I must
apologize, because it's unacceptable that I appear
as a guest on Yousry Fouda's show not wearing a tie,
simply unacceptable. Moving on, as soon as the Marshal
announces his candidacy, those will be the first people to vote
for him, especially that low traitor with the
open blazer. When it comes down to business,
they will change their minds. - "Do you agree, and do you endorse,
the candidacy of Marshal Abdel Fattah El Seesi, to the position of President of the
Arab Republic of Egypt?" - "No." No?!! WHAT THE HELL NO??
What a bunch of lowlives, traitors! Traitors! Where the hell do you find these people? Wait then, hear what he has to say,
check his platform. Since we were kids, they have told us
a candidate is all about the platform. I know all this is just ceremony and it's
all a matter of signing documents, but it doesn't hurt!
The most important thing is the platform. - "I'm against the idea that Seesi
should have a political platform. I don't need that Seesi needs to have
a political platform. Seesi doesn't need a campaign." - "This is a man that doesn't need to
offer us a platform" he is a platform in himself." Didn't I tell you it's all unnecessary? Hold on a second, so if the platform
isn't important but the platform is.. so if Seesi is a platform, which
they say isn't important, Sir my own show (platform) is
under your command, you can have it and the theater and
the production team, and the audience (Gamaheer), actually
no Gamaheer. Anyways, if there is any problem
of issue with the platform, we can come up with a platform for
him! Come in Hisham, come have a seat. We're gonna sit together and come up
with the political platform for the election. Are you ready?
Okay. Okay I will dictate to you. The revolution. One more time the revolution ! Stability. Many times, stability,
stability, stability. 100 days,
actually scratch that, leave it open,
it's not an issue. Delete it, delete it. Did you delete it? Are we safe?
Are we secure? -"Yes we're secure." Secure! Write it down! Security,
write security. And if we have security then we have
safety, you wrote stability right? - "Yes." Okay,
don't you want anything? - "Me? , No I just want to make a living." - "A living! A living, freedom, and
social justice, write it all down!" We're doing a good job, seems like a pretty easy job how many pages is the platform
so far? - "Uh, half a page!" What?
Only half a page? We must make it longer, Does anyone here want to add anything? - "When Marshal Abdel Fattah El Seesi
runs for president, he will destroy the
lemon phenomenon completely. Marshal Abdel Fattah El Seesi with god's
blessing, has that which no one else has." He has what no one else has by god's
blessing! This creation of god held steel and
bent it! And what you walked forward
we have walked with our eyes closed, we have security under control and
we finished all the LEMOOOOOONS!
Did you get it all? Did you get it all? One second, what lemons are you
talking about? We need concise demands, I want someone to give me definitive
reason why they will vote for him. - "Our goal is for Seesi to be the
President of Egypt, not for Mr. Mostafa Bakry" - "and not for Mr. Mohamed Abu Hamed,
and not for Advisor Refaai Nasrallah." Who is Refaai Nasrallah?
What the hell are you writing? We're writing a platform not taking
roll call, hold on a second. This platform decides the fate of a nation,
it has to contain giant promises, words that ring in everyone's mind. - "Mr. Mostafa, El Seesi for President,
so tomorrow we don't have someone telling my mother or yours that she's not
Muslim because she listens to Tislam El Ayadi." And you want him to run and take
off the military suit and put on a civilian one,
and elections and process for a song? Write it down, god bless your hands,
tut tut tut tut. God bless you my country's army,
tut tut tut tut. That is what raised, look you know
the lyrics just write them down. Look, we will speak about a platform,
for the presidential election, make your requests. What do you want?
What do you dream of? What do you love? - "We're a nation that loves.. that loves its army first of all,
and loves to have a good time, and loves to be happy. Anyone that comes and puts us
down will be exploded against by us and will have a very bad night,
honestly speaking." Write down that we want to have
a good time and be happy, come here Sherif.
Look Sherif I have no doubt that you like to have
a good time but if you really love the army
and you love Egypt and its people don't ever wear that t-shirt again. Of course you'll go against what I say
and wear it next week so consider my message delivered. And we too, must deliver our message to
the next president through this platform, we want him to tell us
what he will do about security, about unemployment,
about the economy. - "I'm calling on Marshal Abdel Fattah
El Seesi to come out and say hi to the people -just to ask them how they're doing." Now you're just asking for too much!
We're just being greedy now! Also, if he finds out how we're doing,
he won't even run! Play it smart, convince him to run
we've been trying for a year we shouldn't ruin it now. We need to move forward and realize
the demands of the revolution. We need someone that will take steps
that show the world that what happened was in fact
a continuation of the revolution. - "Caller: We need Marshal Abdel Fattah
El Seesi, and the army, to take action because this country won't get fixed
if there isn't a serious stand being taken." - Ahmed: "What should they do?
What do you suggest they do?" - Caller: "What should they do?
They should have a real coup." - Ahmed: "What do you mean coup?" - Caller: "A real one, a real coup." - Ahmed: "A real coup." - Caller: "Yes definitely" What the hell are you writing?!
Tear this page up, tear it up. What are you doing Ahmed,
fear for your show at least, don't say things like that,
you know if someone heard you.. no one ever listens to you actually so
it's okay. But you should still play it safe,
by some universal fluke, you have been allowed to host a show,
you need to protect it and not say such things. There are other things to say that
you're good at. What you say on TV you should also
say on the radio! Stick with what you know
focus on your positives! Seriously though, all your demands
don't fit in with this nation, and we're not just any nation,
we're a great nation, one that makes you proud. - "Marshal Abdel Fattah El Seesi,
do NOT run for President!" - "We're air our dirty laundry in public!
We don't ever close the crossroads. We're very sorry but we must tell
you don't run for president son, and don't
bring yourself down to our level. We never close the crossroads." We air our dirty laundry!
We don't close the crossroads before crossing! We don't lift the seat before we
take a leak! So I get this assistant and sit here
writing a political platform to get a president and help you go eat your meat,
and you want to drive him away? Man help me hook him to the candidacy,
Hisham thanks I'm gonna take over, please say thanks to Hisham everyone. To be honest, if I was
in the Marshal's place, I wouldn't choose to deal with a people
like us. And if the Marshal by some chance decides
not to run we will respect your decision and you
will remain in your current status and position, with full respect from the people. - "We will elect Seesi as president
of Egypt, whether he wants it or not. -"It's not up to him." - "What if it's his decision?"
- "It's still not up to him. And Seesi will be president,
whether he wants to or not" -"and I'm telling you now Marshal,we will
bring you from your house if you say no." If he doesn't run we will force
him to run. - "By force?"
- "By force." By force.
By force. We will lock the door and force the
Marshal Abdel Fattah. It's not up to him.
Why all this shoving? We have to play a little hard to get, I need to give some
relationship advice here. If you want a president, set him free,
if he comes back then he is your president, and if he doesn't come back.. where are we going to go we will all
be here together. Mostafa, who is this you'll go force
out of his house? Who is the one who drags the other
one out of his house? Just think about it a little it doesn't
take a genius. There are peaceful ways you can use
to convince him to run for president. - "Mr. Mostafa in a quote you said,
you threatened to go on a hunger strike until the Marshal announces that he
will run for president." - "I will not accept a president that's
not Seesi" even if it takes my going on a hunger
strike in front of his office until I die." Please God don't let him run, please god
don't let him run. Please god, please don't let him run. Amen.
Say Amen! - "AMEN!" Wow you were waiting for it. Please god don't let him run. Please
I beg you Mr. Field Marshal, just skip this round of elections,
just this one I swear people will keep this favor
in heart, this would be a great accomplishment!
Seriously! And we're calling for a platform,
this is the platform we need! And just so you know Mr. Marshal, this guy always says good things about
presidents and then when they leave the post he says
a lot of bad things about them. He is never loyal to any of them,
I promise you. Guys, we're still at the beginning and
this is how we're acting, how will we act when he actually runs?
The nation should make demands, as I understand it the post of president
is a responsibility, we should have specific demands of the president and
he should be held accountable for them, there are very poor people, hungry
people, what will he do for them? - "Whatever Seesi says goes,
whether it's correct or not." - "He will do anything he wants while
we keep our eyes closed." - "I swear people will sleep hungry,
and still not make the problems that we're seeing today." Come on Mostafa, so it's either you
go on hunger strike or the entire nation goes hungry ? If you want to lose weight,
just do some aerobics, you'll be stretchy and bendy,
seriously this would work well for you,
if you do aerobics, lose weight at the bottom
and get wider on top. Back to the platform; the next president,
what is he looking to accomplish for us? What will he do for us? - "In all my life, I have been waiting
for a candidate that doesn't tell us what he will do, because he doesn't
have a magic wand, but instead says if you want me,
you tell me what you will do and that's what he has said to us" So we also have to do for him?
Actually he's right, we're the problem, the issue is that we're a people that
doesn't know how to be ruled properly, we're such a burden, we don't
make a ruler proud. And since we're such a bad people,
we should campaign ourselves, the people should create political ads,
so that someone can compromise and agree to rule them. And that's why,as contribution from us towards
the national campaign for Egypt's people, we have created this song and dedicate it to the one who will
sacrifice and agree to rule us. Come sir,
please come rule us You're the one who
will keep us in check. We tried a lot of presidents before you. But we have learned our lesson. To never ever say no. And who says otherwise will get
nailed. If you just agree
and be president. Please sir, please sir, please sir, please sir, Please siiiir, come keep us in check. You were just watching the campaign
for Egyptians for Egypt 2014 the campaign of "Rule Me and Keep
Me in Check, And If I Utter A Sound,
Beat Me Up." We'll see you after the break. Welcome back to the show,
The Show. During the break we had a chat with
this lovely audience that's here tonight, and we discussed a lot of things but
there was one very important question that I asked them
and that question was "what would happen is Marshal Seesi
doesn't run?" Is this the end of the line?
We had a healthy democratic discussion a lot of people said it wouldn't be
a big issue, and there would be alternatives and
it's not the end of the world. We will take the names of everyone
here tonight and their addresses and broadcast them at the end of the
episode. We recorded it! We recorded you
saying everything! Sherif Amer will be the first to face
charges! And for those watching us on TV who
want to know more about the audience, Khalifa can you please put some
spotlights on the crowd. Please wave to your families everyone,
wave to the camera, there you go. Wave a lot because you never know
when you will see them again. To be honest, I kept telling them
there's no alternative, no alternative, but they kept saying the same thing,
I don't want to take him Bassem, not for me Bassem. You'll take it good But continuing on with the lovely democratic mood
we had during the break, we ourselves have to ask this
sick question, what would happen if god forbid,
he decided not to run? - "Let's say he doesn't run Dr. Iman.." - "That would be a catastrophe." - "Because until today.."
- "A catastrophe."
- "I'm just saying" - "sometimes I feel like we have just
accepted as a fact that Marshal..." - "Please doctor, I can't bear what
you're saying, no please I can't take it, I can't even bear thinking about the
Question, it would be the darkest of days" The darkest of days! I can't bear it
I can't bear it! I can't bear it! Don't do this to yourself, one man
goes another seventy will come along, will it be that big a setback if one
person may decide not to run? - "I want to tell you, it will cause a
depression much bigger than.. when we lost in 1967." It will be more depressing than the
1967 defeat? You're talking a huge pile of sh...eer
depression to me right now, but no. This man will never disappoint the
people, so the question isn't if, it's when? - "El Seesi to announce his nomination
for president in the coming hours." - "Some people are talking about an
announcement in the coming 48 hours." - "We are days away from the
announcement." - "At the beginning of next week." - "God willing, next week." - "It might take a little longer,
maybe a little less." - "I expect it to be after tomorrow,
or after tomorrow." - "What's today? February 10th right?" - "Either the 17th or 18th of the current
month." - "After Valentines day, may it bring
you happiness." First of all, and all happiness to you
Khairy. Secondly, today is the 19th and still no
announcement Tamer. Thirdly, what are you wearing Tamer? Did you get into a fight or did you just
return from a wedding or did you fight at a wedding?
Come on Tamer. Are we going to read fortunes next? What do we know about the future
and what it holds? We don't personally know the future,
but we know people who do know it. - "I want to welcome Dr. Sayed Shimi,
the astrological genius and scientist." - "Mr. Mohamed Faroun, the horoscope
specialist." - "The scientist of astronomy, numericals
and Egyptian energy." - "And a researcher in the science
of horoscopes." - "Mrs. Joy Ayyad." - "Engineer Abeer Fouad, the astronomy
specialist." - "Dr. Ahmed Shahin, aka the Arab
Nostradamoos." Nostradamoos? Are we going down that dirty path? I won't change it during editing, and I'm not bleeping it out. Fortune tellers and astronomy and
horoscopes and all that, I truly fear that people would say
we believe in lies. - "Please let me welcome my guests,
Engineer Abeer Fouad" - "the astronomy specialist. Dr. Mahmoud
Shamseldin." - "Please note that we have an engineer
a graduate of engineering" so that's proof that we're not believing
in any sort of "lies." Spit out your...Spit it out your mouth
Madame Amani, what "lies"? Who said such a thing? It's enough that they're guests on
your "show" Madame Amani, This is the biggest proof that these
people are credible, and all credible people will have
credible things to say. - "I want to congratulate the Egyptian
people specifically and the Arab and Islamic world generally,
the owner of Egypt will come to public soon" - "The owner of Egypt." - "The owner of Egypt." - "The owner of Egypt." - "Your owner is Marshal Abdel Fattah
El Seesi, the owner of Egypt." - "The person of Seesi, written in
gibberish and he is a grand warrior." - "He is the prince of vengeance." The prince of vengeance? Anwar
Wagdy (old actor) will arrest all of us! Now we're talking! You're not just
fortune tellers, you're fortune lickers and have told
the people everything! And what is this owner or boyfriend
of Egypt? Did Egypt get a new boyfriend? And without telling us?
Where did she meet him? What does he look like? How would you describe this boyfriend
or owner of Egypt? - "Tanned skin, thin body, he has a nosy
nose." - "A nosy nose, meaning his nose is a bit
like this. Nosy nose." - "His top half is different from his
bottom half. Smooth on top, has a squared mustache,
and with uneven teeth, and he changed his grandfather's name, and came Ramadan" You came Ramadan?!
Ramadan is here! And came Ramadan,
are these the qualities of Egypt's friend? His top half is different from his bottom
half? So he works out his chest and shoulders
but not his legs? Tanned and about his nose and teeth.. We fed all this information to a state
of the art computer, and asked it to generate a sketch of
Egypt's friend/owner, and congratulations everyone, Egypt's owner is Shahhat
Mabrouk (B rate actor). Seriously though, this description isn't
specific at all, half the people have those qualities, tomorrow I can find anyone that
says I own Egypt? I want a document, provide me with
a document that says that Seesi owns Egypt, and I will write half this theater
to your name. - "One of the astronomy scientists
in Egypt said as follows. Seesi's name is included in a plan written
1,100 years ago! See how old Seesi is?" Bassem Youssef..half the theater..
This is all your fault Amr Adib, "you see how old Seesi is?"
You're the old (adeem) one.. "Amr Adeem" So Seesi's name is written in a plan
1,100 years old? Please give us something believable. - "This next text is where they describe
the Marshal. - "He will be a gibberish high man,
very just and doesn't delegate." What does any of that mean? You can't say things like that on TV,
and how did he get so high? None of this makes any sense either,
give me a document that names him, and I will write the remaining half
of the theater to your name. And says look, look to her. See, see (Seesi), and here there was quiet and secrecy,
and harvest and good. Look, look,
see, see. This text is 1,100 years old. Look look translates
to see, see? Who are you fooling? You're translating
from English to see, see? It may also be look, look
(blah blah), yeah we're not stupid. Just like the blah blah ,you've been speaking
since the beginning of the show. So are we supposed to believe anyone
that says he or she is a scientist of astronomy? Without checking references or degrees? I know how to deal with this man, I will deliver him to Amr Adib, who hasn't eaten since the beginning of the episode,
and he will rip you apart. Can you please explain to people who
credible you are amongst astronomers,
just so they can judge how seriously
to take you. Do you have a good track record
and predictions that came true that we can find online? We actually did go online, and we
checked his predictions from last year,
and he said in 2013 that... let's check them together. During the last few months of 2013,
aliens will appear significantly, in an attempt to calm down humanity
and learn new information. If you want this to be broadcasted
please say so, and if you don't want it broadcast
we will still show it! Aliens?!
Do we have aliens on earth? No no come on guys, I don't like to
stoop that low to make fun of people, you get a weird picture of someone to
say he looks like an alien, We're in a tight spot now,
take away the mother ship, can no one tell us about our future? I will no longer rely on some fortune
tellers and horoscopes and hogwash, we need facts not lies, analysts
not fortune tellers, thinkers that have thought things
through and have all the facts, who give predictions that people
can follow and see through, when they speak about politics
and external affairs we can believe them. It would be scientific, not some
predictions based on nothing. -"In the USA, John Kerry has said that the US is afraid of the arrival of
another Gamal Abdel Nasser, personified in the Marshal
Abdel Fattah El Seesi. Is this just a popular opinion
or do you think there's more to it, an origin in the movement
of that stars? Why this talk Mr. Adel? Stick to your secrets
and conspiracy theories, it would be catastrophic if
these are your sources! No, there's no way things have gone
this bad, Mr. Adel Hammouda the accomplished
journalist, is asking a question this way, "Is the US's fear of Seesi, originated
in the movement of the stars?" -"No sir, there is of course an origin
in the stars, and the existence of a luminous planet,
it's luminous, it's one of the stars. It's extremely bright in the cosmos
and it's a planet called The Flying Falcon." -"The Falcon what?" -"The Flying Falcon." -"Flying.." -"The Flying Falcon." The falcon, the flying, the falcon, the flying,
the what falcon? The flying falcon, the flying what?
The flying falcon. See Mr. Sherif what is happening
in Egypt? Why didn't you bring the flying falcon
with you Mr. Sherif? And of course this flying falcon,
it flies right? -"One of the characteristics of this
flying falcon, is that when it flies, it glides
through space, ever so high. But even so, if he sees a fish
swimming underwater, and it dives so quickly and gracefully
and with such power, and catches the fish
and flies back up." -"That's good." Good? What's good?
What's good?! What's this Mr. Adel?!
Mr. Adel you can't.. you can't let anyone just feed you
false information and let them take you to see
the flying falcon. Don't be so gullible, falcon
and fish and it flies.. Please, let's focus a bit more. -"But there's one thing that I noticed, which is that this flying falcon, eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh, is also known to not take notice
of its surroundings." -"Because it's focused on the fish." -"Exactly." It's focused,
focused on the fish. Mr. Adel..how about you
focus on your show Mr. Adel? It's unexplainable, one day he was well and was asking
important respectable questions, and now... I will remind you of the first question, "Is the US's fear of Seesi, originated
in the movement of the stars?" So what does all of this have to do
with the resemblance between Seesi and Abdel Nasser? I will tell you, This star existed
during the hour of Abdel Nasser's birth, and during the hour of Seesi's birth. This star is very reliable in situations like these,
it always pays respect. Did he show up with no gift in hand? Or did he maybe buy some fish for them, some squid perhaps, a pair of nice seals. Imagine if you have one of these falcons,
it would be awesome. It's perfect,
not a single blemish. -"He's looked to with envy, one of the disadvantages
of the flying falcon is that people look to it
with an envious eye, and that reptiles are its weakness,
which are the crawlies. -"So this reflects the conspiracies?" -"The snakes which are the conspiracies
right?" Weakness in reptiles? So the owner of Egypt,
the grand warrior, his top half is different from his
bottom half, the prince of vengeance
and the ashnoush (gibberish) and his weakness is a bunch
of geckos? Just use some insect poison
in the corners and dents and you're good to go! And Adel Hammouda just can't pass up
a chance to come up with new conspiracies, "snakes as in conspiracies??"
How did you even make that link? See how the greats think? It's hard
to come by a brain like that! -"And Pluto, why is that? It's because Pluto is a high like Mars,
it gives you that same Mars effect." That Mars high,
that's the stuff! So they got baked
before going on the air!
That explains everything, all the flying and fish
because you're tripping, can you spare anything for a friend? Maybe a little Mercury,
a rolled Jupiter perhaps? We didn't really understand anything
from what's been said in the last part, did Mr. Adel Hammouda understand
any of it? This whole conversation started with
a strange question and a stranger response, can he please translate what he took away, or what he wants us to take away from this? So we should understand that Seesi must
avoid what Abdel Nasser fell into, and he must trust all those around him
who want to help him, so he can focus on his goals, and all those around him
can properly support him. Our superiors support you! "The he must be careful about
blah blah etc etc"
are you seriously convinced
of what you're saying? I'll stop talking about you Adel, are you all convinced of what you
just saw right now? You Mr. Adel and your colleagues
have open platforms, and you have to fill a certain amount of airtime, and you're talking about no substance
matter with fortune tellers and horoscopes, and who the owner of Egypt is, and
whose name was written 1,100 years ago, and flying falcons and geckos and fish,
and conspiracies, and all this to convince the people
of just one thing. And after all this brainwashing
and empty words, you claim that the Egyptian people
are intellectually inept,
and that we wouldn't make anyone proud, and we should thank our lucky stars
that someone is willing to rule us, we're a burden. But please tell me,
after what we've seen now, who the burden is ?!? We'll see you after the break. Welcome back to the show,
The Show! First of all, I have a message for
those watching us on TV, The Show also airs on Saturday,
10:30 pm, right? Huh? Am 10:30 where? You guys own the channel
and you don't know? And also on Sunday at 3:00 pm. If you don't catch it on Friday you can see it
on Saturday and Sunday. Mr. Sherif Amer, would you like to add anything? Well would you like me to give
a quick ad for your show? Happening in Egypt,
with Mr. Sherif Amer, this is a paid ad
don't worry about it. As for our channel on YouTube,
it's Al Bernameg, we had a competition where the 5 most
active people who share videos and give us likes and comment
and so on, will win tickets to attend the show so here we are showing them to you
to prove we're not liars. Anyways, we're telling people
who watch us on YouTube to share the videos so you can
have a chance to win, and since we're speaking about
YouTube then we're speaking about
the Internet. So if you're watching us online
right now, so this is the frame in which
I'm appearing supposedly, and as you all know the Internet
now runs on fantastic speeds, and all ISP clients enjoy great
service at affordable prices, so if you're watching I just
have one thing to say to ISPs, but before I start I want to tell you
that if all of a sudden I freeze, that's not really me, it's the connection that's stalling. So one thing to internet providers,
fu... function with the client in mind,
and please stop giving lame excuses, and please stop this bullsh... bullshoving people's priorities
to the bottom of the priority list. This is our message
to the internet providers. As for tonight's guest, I'm proud to say that
we're offering a new experience, something different,
as comedy has many languages, and all languages have their own
flavor of comedy, so we want to introduce a new kind of
comedy tonight, from another country. This is one of the most famous
stand-up comedians, he will be speaking another language, and we'll translate at home
not here so it's up to you. Please welcome, Wonho! Wonho is from South Korea. May god be with you guys, Wonho! That's not a sincere laugh. Now we're talking! This is the proper laugh
I'm looking for! If I don't get this laugh,
then I'm a mess! Good evening,
I speak Arabic by the way, good evening our esteemed audience
and to all our viewers at home, I'm so happy that I'm a guest
on The Show with Bassem Youssef! I'm going to tell you a little secret,
I don't speak Arabic. What you are seeing now is dubbing, I'm actually speaking Korean,
and someone inside speaks Arabic, and the editing guys are dubbing
the sound as we speak. This show is great,
because the sync is flawless! To introduce myself, I actually
do speak Arabic of course, my name is Wonho Chung, my full name is Wonho Insuk
Ilbong Jungun Chung. That wasn't a joke. My father is Korean,
my mother is Vietnamese, I was born in Saudi Arabia,
I lived in Jordan, and I currently reside in Dubai, all my life I have had one goal,
to be treated like an Arab citizen. Even though I look different, but I always wanted to be
just another Arab, but with a face like this one,
and with a name like Won Ho, life wasn't easy. Even with the simple things, sometimes when I'm hungry
and want to order something to eat: -"hello, I'd like to order
a margarita pizza and a salad
and diet soda please." -"Yes, name please?" -"Wonho." -"Huh?" -"Wonho." -"What?" -"Wonho,
Wonho." Click Even back in the day, before the
iPhone and Samsung and mobile phones, we had something called
the house phone, the land line. If you wanted to speak to someone, you picked up the phone
and called that person's house, and you ask whoever picks up to speak
to the person you want to talk to. One time I wanted to talk
to my friend Adel, I called him and his father picked up,
so I told him -"Hi uncle, is Adel there?" -"Adel is here, in his room,
who's this?" -"Wonho" (sounds like where is he?) -"Son he's in his room, who is this?" -"Wonho, Wonho." -"I already told you
he's in the room!" I told him -"Sorry uncle you misunderstand me,
I'm Korean not Arab, my name is Wonho.
I'm not asking where he is." -"Ohhh, you guys have such weird names. Adel! Come speak to your friend..Netenyahu." I want to tell you another
little secret. I'm kind of like a watermelon, green on the outside
and red on the inside. So I'm Korean on the outside,
but I'm Arab on the inside, and I want to add that I'm 100% proud
to be an Arab just like you. One time I was hanging out
with some friends of mine, just watching the news, when suddenly there was some
breaking news, and a bomb had gone off in the US. Accusations flew in the direction
of the Middle East almost immediately, and I always get upset when that
happens because there often isn't any
evidence by that time. So I get up and tell my friends "guys, we Arabs, if we don't stand
side by side and unite, and play the media game, and don't change our foreign policy,
we will never advance." So my friends look at me
and at each other and ask me -"Wonho, have you looked at yourself
lately in the mirror?" So I ask,
-"What? What do you mean?" -"Can't you see
what you look like?" -"But I studied in the same school,
the same university, lived on the same street in the
same country and spoke the same language." -"Bro, you look like our Indonesian
maid but without the veil." But then the day came when all
of that changed. In 1991, our family was granted
the Jordanian citizenship, and it was the happiest day of my life, because from then when anyone
would tell me "You're not an Arab." I would tell him no no no no, and I would pull out my little
black booklet and tell him -"Look, the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan,
just like you!" And I remember the day
I got my passport, I walked out of the government building
and the sun was shining, and the sky blue,
and birds were chirping. I opened the passport, I was smiling so wide in the photo
you could see my wisdom teeth. I read the name: Wonho Insuk Ilbong
Jungun Chung. The tribe: The Chungs. Age: 10 years old. Occupation: Student. Gender: Female. Catastrophe! Do you want some water? Once I was in a cab,
I live in Dubai so I was in a taxi going from
Abu Dhabi to Dubai, the driver was Arab. We sat and told stories and bonded, he told me about his life in the UAE
and about his wife and kids, it felt like we became more
like brothers during the ride. Right before we reached my house, while he's driving he turns to me
and says "Excuse me." I tell him
-"What's up?" He asks,
"Are you from Syria?" I told him
"No, I'm Korean." He replied
"I thought so, either Syria or Korea!" Once I was invited to attend
a friend's wedding, and we were having such a good time
I was with the bride and groom and all our friends and so on, and suddenly the singer came out
to sing a special song dedicated to the bride and groom. And she started to sing "You're My Life"
(famous Um Kulthum song). For those who know me,
Um Kulthum is my passion, and You're My Life is my love. Anyways, she's on the stage singing and I'm standing around
with everyone singing along. "You're my life, you're my life where
my mornings started with your light, you're my life." Anyways, after the song was done
I buttoned up my blazer, and I spotted a guy standing
5 meters away from me, holding a glass of you-know-what. He's looking at me, an Asian guy
singing in Arabic, and he's about to go insane
he can't believe what he was seeing he keeps staring at me,
then back to his drink. I see him, but I choose to do nothing, all of a sudden he stumbles
his way across to me, and places his hand on my shoulder, and tells me "Hey, my friend,
are you..do you speak Arabic?" I told him, "No, you just think
so because you're drunk." That same night I'm leaving the party, heading out and this guy
and girl approach me. They come up to me "Excuse me, are you the guy
on YouTube?" I told her "Yes." She told me "We love you so much!
So much!" Both of them break into a sweat
and start fumbling words, and I'm thinking I'm not really
THAT famous.. I'm not Bassem Youssef for example. I'm not so famous that people should
be shivering and shaking when they meet me, but it started getting into my head and I thought maybe
I should live the moment, so I told them "Yeah, I'm the guy
from YouTube!" She told me "I must take a photo
with you I love you so much." And she started taking out her camera
or phone while the guy can barely
believe himself, he came up to me and said -"I must shake your hand." He shook my hand
and told me -"It's such an honor for me
to see you, I watch you on YouTube every day." I told him
-"Thank you, thank you." He said
-"Man, I really love Gangnam Style!" Thank you,
you're the best audience ever! Thank you, Wonho Chung! After the break, we will have
an interview with Wonho, during the break filled with great
ads from MBC, ads that have value with expensive
rates per airtime minute! See you after the break with Wonho! Welcome once more to the show,
The Show! My guest, Wonho, look.. I'm just the story you told
in your intro, you're half Korean, half Vietnamese,
born in Jordan? I mean Saudi, and then
you lived in Jordan, and now you live in Dubai. But tell me, where do you
actually come from? -"I lied a little bit because
this story isn't entirely accurate. My father is actually Nigerian, and my mom is from a little place
called Ezbet el Nakhl (area in Cairo)." -"So we're neighbors! Okay, I want to ask a serious question,
but a personal one first, are you married? -"No, not yet." -"Okay everyone, Wonho please
look to the camera." -"You single ladies where are you?" -"Here he is ladies,
ashnoush (gibberish), doesn't care and has soft hair, and he probably doesn't grow
facial hair so his face is soft. So my question, what is the difference, between having
a show in Dubai than Beirut or Jordan or..Saudi? -"Yes I've done Saudi,
and also New York, Toronto, Montreal, London." -"Awesome, so I want to know, what's the difference between
laughter here and there? What makes people laugh in one place
and not in another place? -"First of all it depends on the red
lines you can't cross in every country, but.." -"We don't have any red lines
at all." -"Of course not! But.." -"Yeah we have some here on stage as
part of the décor, but that's all." -"But I actually feel like the entire
world laughs in the same way, there's even a saying that I like, it goes the whole world smiles
in the same way, and same thing with laughter, but it's up to me to perform
and get the people to laugh. But bottom line is there aren't
really that many differences. Even though you're happy with
your Jordanian passport, do you want an Egyptian one? We have ways to get you
the Egyptian passport. -"Really?" -"Yeah, we can get you married
to an Egyptian girl, you will get the passport and you
will be very, very happy." -"My flight is tomorrow morning.." -"His flight is tomorrow morning guys,
so you can barely make it if you get serious now. Okay, you as a Korean person,
you look..." -"Nigerian with part Ezben Nakhl." -"Exactly, that! I'm sure all
the stories you told are true, but I'm sure people don't suspect
you speak Arabic when they first meet you, don't you have funny stories
that happen because of this? -"Oh yeah all the time, actually
the first joke I told on stage, at the time my hair was spiked up,
like a hedgehog, I was in an elevator, and these
two guys followed me in, two gulfy guys. The door closed and I'm standing
in front with them standing behind me. -"Hold on a second I'm not sure
I like where this story is headed.. Please just be careful of which
stories you choose to tell.. -"Let me finish!" -"This won't help your chances in
finding a bride, but please, continue.. -"We got insulted here! So anyways I'm standing there, and looking to the mirror
in front of me, and I see the first guy
tell the other one, -"Look at this dude's hair how
it's so spiked up, like a hedgehog." So I turned around
and asked him -"I don't understand,
do you like it or not?" -"Of course it's very nice
I like it!" I told him
-"May god keep you, and keep this bald head of yours." -"Do you have any siblings?" -"I have two older sisters." -"And are they like you?" -"They are, they speak Arabic
as well. At home, my sisters
and I speak Arabic together. -"Are they married?" -"They're married
and they have kids too!" -"So do your sisters also have the same
kind of experiences that you do? Maybe when you're out shopping
together at the mall? -"When we go to the mall together,
we never speak in Arabic, even though we usually always
speak Arabic to one another, but at the mall if we speak Arabic
everywhere we go people will comment and ask where we learned Arabic
and want to know where we're from
and our story, and if we do that in every store
we will be at the mall all day. So to save time we speak English
at them all. One time we went to Ikea, I heard one just opened up
in Egypt so congratulations. -"Make them pay for this advertising." -"So we were there to return something
my sister had bought that didn't fit in her house, so we showed up with the product
and the receipt and it was still in its carton. The Arabic girl there told her "No we don't do refunds,
no cash refunds." So my sister told her, " This sign says you do refunds." -"All this is in English?" -"All in English, then they get
into an argument over the refund, at the end my sister told her
"I want my money." So the girl replied,
"I will see what I can do." Then she turned to her colleague
and told him "There's no way I'm giving
this Filipina her money." Bassem have you ever seen a Korean
woman on roll of insults? -"I can only imagine." -"She went up to her
and told her, "Listen, if you don't give me
my money back I will flip Ikea and Ikea's whole
family on your head!" -"This is the roll? You truly
are very nice people! You haven't even resorted
to the basics of insults! Just bring your sister to Egypt
so she can learn! In Ezbet el Nakhl your home
she will learn some lovely things! Is this your first time in Egypt
or have you been here before? " -"No I'm often in Egypt actually,
I love it here and I have a lot of friends here, and I'm very happy to have the
opportunity to be here tonight and to get to know you
and see all these lovely people, thank you all so much. -"Wonho, we're all honored that
you're our guest tonight, I'm very happy. You have this great belonging
and you defend all what is Arab, it's very nice and comic, I'm very happy to have you here and I hope this isn't the last time
for you on our show, or to Egypt. Everyone please check Wonho's page
on YouTube, he is, you're now settled
in Dubai correct? -"That's correct. And when you come
to Dubai you should visit me. -"Of course! I would also love
to meet your sister, we can play tricks on people
at the mall! When you all go to Dubai,
you can go see Wonho live, he has a huge fanbase there and is one of the most famous
stand-up comedians in Dubai. You have honored us, see you all next episode!
